Little Gurus: How My Children Became My Guides to Enlightenment

The word Guru in Sanskrit literally means
“dispeller of darkness”
which is exactly what you are.
Every day I see so many heavy faces lighten
and hands gently reach for their own hearts,
People enthralled for a moment
in your effortless magic washing over them
as they watch you prance
through the grocery store,
or the park, or the mall
happily announcing all of
their many wonders.
– Excerpt from “Little Gurus”

First, I want to tell you about how
my children came to be.
I was at a point in my life
where I was totally lost,
unsure if anything I did was
truly what I should be doing.
Then someone told me that
the first principle of Buddhism
is that “Delusions are endless”
And someone else told me that
“Our thoughts manifest reality.”
So I told myself
that I could believe anything
And the energy of my belief
would make it real.
To try to assuage my near constant anxiety,
I developed my own personal proverb.
It was that where ever I saw spirals,
The Fibonacci symbol,
The framework for the innate
intelligence of all living things,
popping up in my reality
it was a sign from the divine
that I was on the right path.
And soon I started to see it everywhere,
in tattoos on fascinating strangers,
seashells gifted randomly from new friends,
children’s artwork proudly displayed on refrigerators,
stylish designs on books, curtains, rugs, paintings
Everywhere.
 
And then there was the night
I had a man I barely knew over to my home.
He came to my dark, electricity baron apartment
To buy whatever I could sell
from my closet to get the lights
and heat turned back on.
We talked for hours,
An immediate ease of being,
Feeling calm in candlelit rooms together.
Meeting him made me realize
how fortunate I was to be so poor.
 
On the second night
I invited him over,
intending to tell him
about this strong bond that I sensed,
He was wearing a purple hoodie
on which he had painted
a wind swirl of color that formed
a splendid psychedelic spiral.
Underneath he wore a shirt also painted
with a giant colorful spiral.
After we embraced he placed
a piece of paper in my hands
and said, “I drew this for you.”
The entire page filled
with the soft curve of a feminine spiral
perfectly intersecting
the strong angles of a masculine one.
(Woah)
And I knew instantly
that the being inside of him and
the being inside of me
were much older than the years
we had live in these bodies,
That our journey of coming together
and searching while we were apart
was as ancient as the stars.
My children, always remember
that you are celestial novas embodied
from of this inter-dimensional dance.
 
A month later I was pregnant.
We were scared, but excited
And we knew that
this was exactly what was supposed to happen.
My physical form and egoic mind
were completely transformed
as you each bloomed inside of me,
the nearly gravitational pull of my moon sized belly
was grounding like I had never felt before.
The first pregnancy was a surprise
And the second was a deliberate and
impulsive decision.
My children are a year
and a half apart in age,
but you have always been Gemini twins,
One boy, one girl
One skinny, one chubby
One thrill seeker, one cautious observer
One more demanding, one more accommodating.
Curving your yin
to the other one’s yang,
you are whole.

 
After my children arrived earth-side
I saw my gospel truth
in their sweet little faces.
caring for them became my daily devotion,
their existence infinitely expanding
my capacity for joy
and my tolerance for exhaustion.
At nap time our home became a sacred space.
I learned to walk as slowly
and silently as a monk
to ease the creaking of our
apartment’s timeworn wood floors.
And to ease my sleep deprived delirium
I learned to meditate,
Seeking solitude in
the yogi’s restorative rest,
hearing the wisdom of patient breath,
I found the way back
down into the heart cave
Where we all eternally dwell
in unwavering peace.
Little did I know
that raising you would raise me too
in so many unexpected ways.
For instance, my daughter
looks so much like my mother
that I often envision I am
taking care of her inner child incarnate,
and maybe if I give
this little lady all the love
my mom never got
it can heal some of the hurt
she still carries with her today.

My children, I want you to know
how much good you do in this world
just by being your adorable selves.
The word Guru in Sanskrit literally means
“dispeller of darkness”
which is exactly what you are.
Every day I see so many
heavy faces lighten and hands gently reach
for their own hearts,
People enthralled for a moment
in your effortless magic
washing over them
as they watch you prance
through the grocery store,
or the park, or the mall
happily announcing all of their many wonders.

Children raise the vibration
of their entire surroundings
each in their own unique ways.
My daughter, Harmony, is more gregarious.
She is generous
with her uplifting smiles
and whole body hugs.
She wakes up at the first glimpse of dawn,
radiant as the sun,
she nuzzles her soft face into mine cooing
“Mamma! I wanna snuggle! Oooh I love you!”
How could I have a bad day
when I wake up this way?
My son, Saphire, is more investigative.
He tends to generate joy via osmosis
with the pure excitement of
a heart centered scientist.
while quietly digging in the sand
He’ll spring to life
when a cool breeze rushes past saying
“Whoooosh! I’m dancing like the wind!
Whoosh! Come dance with me!”
And of course, we all do.

Your intrinsic wisdom is unquestionable.
I will never forget
the first time you gripped the ground
with you tiny feet
your strong will propelling you upward
and you stood.
I remember your first few footsteps
fumbling forward on wobbling legs,
but quickly your body learned
its ancestral rhythm.
It is an honor to walk this holy path with you,
each day another celebration
of new adventures with my free range babies,
dirt under our finger nails,
puddles under our feet,
laughter dancing on our tongues.
we explore the world,
knowing that the land is alive,
that all living beings are our family,
that the trees are the earth’s hands
exalted in praise of the sun.
May you go sure footed into the uncertain world,
love emanating from your hearts
continuing to light the way for us all.
 

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