The Winter Solstice. Thus begins longest night of the year. It’s a time to go inward and reflect on the passing year. What have we learned? What perspectives will we choose to bring with us into the coming year and what ones will we leave behind in the dark night?
This has been a hugely transformational year for me. This cycle’s journey has been all about beginning to shed layer after layer of my searing anxiety. I am someone who has been too insecure to be really allow myself to be seen for the vast majority of my life. But this year, I kept getting messages left and right that it’s time for me to share my voice. Sharing my truth is still very much anxiety inducing, but everyday that I speak my truth despite my nervousness, another layer falls away. I am learning that sometimes the gift you give is your perspective.
From One Solstice to the Next
Exactly six months ago today, I was at Harmony Park in MN. Every year we go to Wookiefoot’s family camping and music festival: Project Earth. As the sun was setting on the Summer Solstice, we were all haloed in golden radiance. A friend of mine who knew that I was a “closet poet”, invited me to perform some of my pieces in between sets in the Om Dome. The wave of support I received (so many people coming to me, uplifted, to wrap me in loving hugs) from those intimate performances made me realize how much sharing my perspective could benefit others.
And I started to think about some of my favorite poets and musicians. I would not be the same person had they never shared the songs and words that pulsed inside of them. I had similar beauty trying to erupt out of me.
But I am so used to being anxious and small. It is still uncomfortable for me to ask for people’s attention. But more and more I am learning how to overcome this. Thank you all so much who are reading this and sharing this journey with me. Your encouragement is what gives me the strength to keep on pushing through my anxieties.
Winter Solstice Release Ritual
Our tiny tribe (Brian, I, and our housemates) are going to be performing a ritual tonight in honor of the Winter Solstice. We write down things we want to let go of in the coming year and things we can to ignite in the coming year. Tonight, the last longest darkest night of the decade, we will release all of these things into a bonfire together. Here’s an intimate look at my list:
In 2020 I will let go of:
- Fear of Failure: Whenever I think about our plans to remodel a school bus into an actual home, I get scare-cited, because neither Brian or I have really ever built anything before. In 2020 I will let go of my limiting beliefs. I don’t even know what I am capable of yet.
- Self doubt/insecurity/anxiety: the three heads of my internal monster. In 2020 I am letting them all go, so I can believe in the gifts that I have to offer.
In 2020 I am Igniting:
- My ability to adapt to changes and learn new things.
- My security in who I am and my confidence.
- Creativity- there are so many stories waiting to be told and dreams waiting to be manifested
- Joyful, peaceful balance regardless of whatever comes our way. I am getting better and better at rolling with the punches.
- Limiting beliefs- for too long I have been quiet and small.
- Luxuriating even deeper in love and appreciation of my partner and family
What are you letting go of in the coming decade? What will you IGNITE into life?
Melanie Starseed is the creator of Be Free Mommy, a blog dedicated to inspiring and uplifting women.
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